HERE WE GO!
Featherweight bout- Cub Swanson vs. Charles Oliveira
This just can’t be shitty. Both guys are coming off finishing TUF winners. Swanson lashed Ross Pearson out of it and Oliveira tapped Jonathan Brookins with a sweet guillotine variant. Swanson has really stepped up his game since being brutally finished in less than 10 seconds by Jose Aldo in 2009.
Oliveira with a takedown to start. Swanson just chilling in full guard, hanging on to Oliveira. Cub gets back to his feet and they’re trading again. Swanson with a filthy left hook to the body and a fucking cannonball of a right to the temple to put Oliveira down. The way Charlie dropped was hilarious. The body shot just took all of his heart away from him.
Swanson: “He was tough, man.” NOPE.
Cub is a surprisingly well spoken fellow considering he looks like a sketch pad for a prison tattooist.
Light Heavyweight bout- Matt Hamill vs. Roger Hollett
Not sure about this one from the outset. Hollett is coming off a protracted layoff due to injury and contract messing from Bellator. Hamill is unretiring like Terry Funk and countless other wrestlers in the past. Does a wrestler ever retire? Hamill looked better than ever at the weigh ins. Hollett has never beaten anyone of note but we’ll see if Stella has gotten her groove back after the time off.
Hollett coming out to the RUFF RYDERS THEME. Nokia 3310 ringtones represent. He’s fucking gigantic. How did he weigh in so light? Should have had a silent disco for Hamill’s entrance.
Dan Mirgliotta is our referee. Remember the announcer in YAMMA Pit Fighting in 2008? Christ. “Your referee is Dan Mirgliotta, he’ll stomp ya.” Douche. I’ll send a Ring Of Honor DVD to the first person to name that ring announcer.
Hamill is aggressive early but Hollett is landing shots. Hamill is opening up with combinations where Hollett is landing single shots. The fans are chanting Boo-urns. Hamill with a gigantic takedown and settles into turtle position. Hollett is just taking shot after shot and not defending or trying to escape. Unless trying to get the back of your head in the way of punches is a defensive strategy. It is not. Hollett eventually fought his way up and finished the round hitting a huge body shot.
Hollett is gassed Phil Baroni style here. Hamill absorbs a heavy knee to the body and gets the double. Hollett is back up as the fans are booing the fuck out of these two guys. Hamill is also gassed. Remember Mark Hunt and Ben Rothwell in Denver? It’s approaching that level of gassed. Hollett tries one spinning back kick too many and gets suplexed to finish the round off.
Another double from Hamill after some terrible boxing.We’re back to turtle and Hamill is throwing slow shots. Hollett has no effective defense from this position. Hollett tries a JUNIOR ROLL and ends up in half guard bottom. He escapes to the feet but Hamill doubles him into another dimension again.Hamill straight to half guard but nothing is happening. Big Dan stands them up with a minute to go. Hamill with a double against the fence. You should have seen Hollett’s face from the overhead cam. Just utterly hating his life. It’s over 30 – 27 Hamill. Let’s never speak of this again.
Middleweight bout- Michael Bisping vs. Brian Stann
Bisping is coming off the decision loss to Chael while Stann knocked Alessio Sakara out in a gentlemanly manner.. Bisping should win this unless he gets Hendo’d again. His footwork, wrestling and groundwork is superior in every way to Stann’s.
Stann is out to Shinedown. Ugh, whatever gets you going sarge. Bisping out to hatred. Tiki Ghosen acting as his security is hilarious. I’m not sure using Tito Ortiz’s trainers is going to take Bisping to the next level.
Four guys chanting ‘Let’s go Bisping’. Bisping circling away from the big right hand. LESSON LEARNED. Bisping with some good footwork. Bisping shoots for a double leg, Stann stuffs it against the cage and they trade which Bisping takes the worst of. Low blow from The Count. They are swinging and it’s awesome. Low blow two from Stann this time evening the score. Bisping back to picking Stann off. Stann lands a huge right and Bisping clinches to finish the round. Bisping was seriously rocked from that. He’s still wobbly on the stool. The punch was the third of a three punch combo with his back against the cage.
Stann is head hunting in round two. Bisping with a huge double on the cage into side control. Stann reverses him like a gorilla and working from full guard. Bisping is making angles on the bottom, setting up a triangle. Bisping reverses and stands up via thumb to the eye STREET STYLE. Stann is slowing down and Bisping is jabbing the shit out of him. Another big takedown from Bisping and working for an Americana from side control. Stall escapes to guard to finish the round.
Bisping starts out with great footwork again, jabbing at will. Bisping clinches and takes a right off the separation. Bisping is shutting Stann’s power down between his movement and takedown attempts. Bisping’s gas tank is the difference between the two guys. Has to be 29- 28 for Bisping. Great fight. Yeah, Bisping 29 – 28.
Bisping is the most charismatic lad they have. It’s almost disappointing when he’s so nice after the fight.
Why is Rory Mac Donald a raging hipster? Fuck sake. He’s sitting in the crowd looking like he’s got 20/20 vision with a pair of empty frames.
Two fights to go, it’s been pretty good so far.
UFC Flyweight Championship bout- Joseph Benavidez vs. Demetrious Johnson
I’m not looking forward to recapping this. DJ has been the man outpacing larger opponents. His first foray into the flyweight division was marred by a terrible weight cut that earned him a draw again Ian McCall. He took his chances in the rematch and earned his spot here tonight.
Benavidez is the stronger wrestler and harder puncher but the question is whether he can catch Mighty Mouse. It ain’t easy.
Benavidez comes out to Stranglehold by Ted Nugent. Heroic.
Benavidez looking to clinch straight away but eats a few knees to the body for his trouble. He’s looking for wild haymakers but DJ is hitting him with straight punches. Benavidez is chasing DJ all over the cage but DJ is timing him coming in each time. Benavidez rolls for a knee bar and ends the round on bottom. 10 – 9 Johnson.
Another lightning fast round. Benavidez was catching him with way more shots and tagged the shit out of DJ at the end of the round 10 – 9 Benavidez.
Mighty Mouse tagging Benevidez at will all through the third round. Easy 10 – 9 round. Benavidez can’t keep up with Johnson at all.
Benavidez cracks DJ straight away, drops him and starts working for the Alpha Male guillotine. He went to full mount and tried to finish with one arm. As soon as he lost the grip around the head, Johnson wriggled free from mount and immediately threatened for a heel hook. After they got back to their feet Johnson got two more lightning takedowns and finished on top. Due to the near finish and knockdown, I have to go 10 – 9 Benavidez and we are even going into round five.
Johnson opens up with a takedown, Benavidez gets back up and goes straight back down. More movement from Johnson on the feet as he’s tagging Benavidez at will again. Benavidez needs to do something drastic here to win the round as Johnson looks way too comfortable. Johnson gets the takedown into side control again as he’s dragging the fight out of Benavidez. Mighty Mouse closes out the last 30 seconds by grinding Benavidez against the cage. Has to be Johnson’s round and title belt. Stranger things have happened than a Benavidez win.
48 – 47 DJ, 48 – 47 Benevidez, 48 – 47 DJ. Fair result. There’s booing in the crowd but fuck off. That was an awesome fight and both guys were deserving of the belt.
UFC Light Heavyweight Championship bout- Jon Jones vs. Vitor Belfort
To celebrate the fifth anniversary of Vitor Belfort’s last light heavyweight fight, the Fertitta brothers have decided to gift him a fucking title shot. Let’s get this over with.
Remember Vitor crying against Sakuraba? Having the foot fetish kicked out of him by Anderson Silva? Is this the old Vitor? No, it’s old Vitor. Big difference.
As soon as 50 Cent played for Jones he was booed. As soon as it switched to Bob Marley it was all cheers. Fickle crowd. Amish beard. The size difference is ridiculous. I don’t foresee this going more than one round.
Jones with a takedown right away and working for elbows. FUCK. VITOR THROWS UP AN ARMBAR! It’s tight, it’s TIGHT! Oh and Jones is out of it. That was the most trouble Jones has ever been in. Ever. Jones seems annoyed at this at proceeds to fuck Belfort up in an uncomfortable manner with left elbows. The round ends with Jones in full mount. 10 – 9 Jones even with the near finish from Belfort.
Jones starts out the second by hitting Belfort’s lead leg with a front leg side kick. And proceeds to do this for the rest of the round. Vitor is offering nothing on the feet and Jones is toying with him. Jon clinches and Belfort pulls guard with an overhook and starts working for a triangle as the round ends. 10 – 9 Jones again.
Jones starts out with more side kicks to the thigh and drops Vitor with a kick to the body. He follows with a guard stomp to the body. Belfort is working for an armbar again in guard but Jones is up and out.Vitor is scoring more on the feet but Jones is keeping him at bay easily. Belfort pulls guard again but he’s just hanging out there without doing anything. Vitor is slowly working his hips around but this slow cooking method doesn’t work as well with five minute rounds. Jones is in half and elbowing the shit out of him again. Round ends in full guard, why is this not over. It’s more Jones taking it handy than Vitor being a world beater. 10 – 9 Jones obviously. Vitor needs a finish but when did he not?
Vitor starts the fourth with his trademark wild flurry. Jones gets tagged a few times and starts jabbing Belfort with that side kick again. They clinch and Vitor pulls guard again but Jones slips through. Gets the mounted crucifix and starts hammering elbows down. When Vitor blocks he gets an americana for his troubles and taps out. Surprisingly great fight from the lads.
Jones after the fight admits that his arm was jacked by the armbar and was waiting for it to snap before he escapes. He’s getting cheered wildly here.
Welterweight bout- Kyle Noke def. Charlie Brenneman
Love Brenneman’s hair. Front kick from Noke, followed with a jab. Noke cracks Brenneman with a right and swarms on him. Big Dan jumps in for the stoppage while Brenneman is chasing for a takedown. Early stoppage but it wasn’t getting any better for him. Noke looked great in his welterweight debut, got rid of all that beach muscle.
Other results tonight.
Light Heavyweight bout- Vinny Magalhaes def. Igor Pokrajac via armbar in R2.
Lightweight bout- TJ Grant def. Evan Dunham via 29 – 28 UD.
Welterweight bout- Sean Pierson def. Lance Benoistn via 29 – 28 UD.
Featherweight bout- Marcus Brimage def. Jimy Hettes via 29 – 28 UD.
Welterweight bout- Seth Baczynski def. Simeon Thoresen via KO in R1.
Bantamweight bout- Mitch Gagnon vs. Walel Watson via Rear Naked Choke in R1.